I'm unemployed, I have time to read and ponder, and grow vegetables I've been reading about economics and trying to understand how the world works and how I might fit in.
It's challenging, there was some comfort gained from the daily grind (except it wasn't daily), of cycling to the warehouse, clocking and in and putting books in boxes and then clocking out at the end of my shift and cycling home again, it gave me something tangible to kick against.
Now I've lost my punch bag, there's space and time no framework for my arguments and expressions of discontent. Furthermore I'm unsupported, and without even a meagre income, my savings may stretch out to last one more month at most, depending on my electricity bill, which I haven't had the courage to open yet, it's fallen behind the sofa and can stay there until the one in red arrives.
But I've found purposeful work. I'm supporting people much more vulnerable than myself, people that have fled violence and persecution and are in the UK to seek refuge. I help them navigate the system to claim their rights under humanitarian law, but its not easy, the system doesn't really work for them either.
It's hard to keep a positive outlook, I'm voting labour tomorrow, I'm a Corbynista, my heroes are visionaries such as Paul Mason, Jannis Varoufakis. They are both advocates of a universal basic income, a model for the future that addresses inequality and gives dignity to all members of society.
On Saturday night I had a houseful of friends and family playing music and singing together, someone mentioned the terror attack in London, we paused, and then continued to play, we closed our minds to the ugly reality of the world outside. A world in which people feel so disenfranchised that they blow themselves up and take others out with them, it's horrible, really, really horrible. Violence is a last resort, people are angry. I'm angry. Anyone who looks around them and stops to think should be angry. There's a lot to be angry about, debt, minimum wage, inequality, pay day loans, corporate and government mismanagement; conditions that cause people to feel of hopeless and impotent. No wonder there is fear, hatred and chaos and people are blowing themselves up.
Teresa May has announced this morning that in response to this recent terror attack, she is willing to override international humanitarian laws to keep our country safe, excuse me Mrs May but we would rather you have some respect for humanitarian laws, that would make me feel much safer.
Tomorrow we vote.
